Benchmarks the Spot
In light of recent events in my life, I have come to realize that I lack some serious ability to choose right from wrong and that often I let my desires and wants drive my actions. By day, I dream about fighting temptation, defending the principles behind my actions like an ethical superhero. By night I embody the characteristics of the very villain I banished just hours before.
We all make mistakes and as I grow, I continue to learn and pay for mine. But identifying and acknowledging the weakness within us is not noble enough - it’s what we do with that information, how we use it to prevent the same mistakes from reoccurring - that counts.
A few weeks ago, on one of my last nights in London I sat down to dinner with MA and laid out the ethical dilemma at hand. In my mind, there’s no question of what is right or what is wrong - I operate on the basis of certain truths which, in theory, inform my actions. I know what is wrong and I know what I shouldn’t do.
The disconnect lies in what actually unfolds. Time and time again, despite the lack of ethical ambiguity, I make the incongruent decision. If my rationale won’t save me from my weaknesses, what will?
The solution, MA says, lies in the notion of benchmarks, defined as a “standard point of reference against which things may be compared or assessed.”
Let’s start with an unincriminating example: watching your sugar intake. We start with absolutes, with finalities, with conviction. You say, “For the next month, I absolutely will not consume anything sugary.” And you don’t. For days you go without sugar - you skip the cookies lying on the counter at the office because let’s be honest, you don’t really need them. You opt for vitamin water instead of soda and you swell with pride because you’re making decisions that are healthy and that, most importantly are in compliance with the goals you’ve set for yourself. Life is good.
But then you realize that this weekend is your birthday. Shoot! You get annoyed momentarily for trying to be healthy during such an exciting time but…hey! Idea: we said no sugary things for the month, but let’s make an exception for just that day - after all what’s a birthday without some cake, right? Done. We’ll allow a slice of birthday cake…actually, it’s my birthday, I can have more than one slice…after all I’ve been good so far, so I have a little bit of room for damage. Actually, why limit to a slice of cake? Let me take the day off - it’s just one day and after all it IS my birthday. I’ll get back on track right after.
Actually, I’m pretty popular so I’m pretty sure my birthday will be celebrated over more than just one day. Good thing it’s on a Saturday - I can relax for the weekend and then we’ll start up again on Monday.
Ahh but on Monday I’m pretty sure my work colleagues will want to do a little lunch time celebration since they won’t be coming out with me on Saturday night…
And then there’s…
Get it?
That’s what happens when you mess with a benchmark. It’s starts with “I never eat sugar” and moves to “except on special occasions” and then deteriorates to “except on the days leading up to and following special occasions” until you are left with “I used to never eat sugar but then I realized, hey I only live once and who gives a crap about my health?”
Now substitute “sugar” with something unethical and “health” with principles/values/ethics.
“I used to never lie/cheat/steal but then I realized, hey I only live once, I want what I want - so who really gives a crap about my ethics? Legit.”
Just because I eat sugar once doesn’t mean that I’m throwing my ethics out the door. I mean what’s wrong with one slice of cake? MA says, it’s not about THAT slice of cake, it’s about what comes after. When you don’t see the ramifications of your slightly shifted benchmark, you push the envelope a little more -it’s human nature. We relativize, justify, and convince ourselves that we can handle the limits we set on ourselves, that we can taste the inch and resist the mile.
Unless you really are an ethical superhero, you will quickly realize that more often than not, you can’t resist the mile because once you wrench the bench, it’s a steep and fast fall from heaven. If and when you come to terms with your actions, the disappointment that ensues can be staggering.
So if you’ve ever disrespected the Light inside of you and succumbed to living well below the expectations and hopes you set for yourself in order to experience momentary and shallow feelings you think are happiness (as I have) and if you’re ready to recommit to aligning your days with your nights, and your inner sense of values with your outer actions (as I am)…
…then - trust me on this one - find a bench(mark) and park it.
