25 y.o. Ailing After Roller Coaster Joyrides; Trauma Leads to Age Cap and Warning Signs
I remember lying on my bed one evening talking to NM on the phone when he mentioned something curious.
He said he was always skeptical of a girl who was really bubbly and happy all the time, or at least one who appeared that way. Being someone who is often characterized by those two adjectives more than any others, I wondered why he would say such a thing. Did he believe we were actually sadistic murderers deep down inside?
Not quite. But, he did say that if a girl could get that happy and excited about certain things in life, when it was time to come back down there was a good chance she would probably get that low, too. As in, extremes go both ways.
At the time I thought he was being a bit cynical (sorry NM) but two years down the road, a soap opera of a summer and some hardcore reflection later, I realized there’s a lot of truth in that line of thinking.
Lately I’ve noticed that my highs are tempered too often by small moments of not-so-highness that bring me way, way too unjustifiably down. I’m not sure why…
Is it better to experience medium-sized happiness on a regular basis or to ride the peaks and troughs that inevitably accompany the drama-filled life of a passionate person? And do we get to choose which one we live by?
Not sure about the first one, but I used to think the answer to this last question was a resounding “YES” - I am a firm believer that attitude is 100% up to the individual. You control how you react to outside stimuli/circumstances/situations and you decide how you live your life. However, lately I’m not feeling like I have the power in choosing between peaks/troughs/drama and middle-of-the-road happiness.
Or maybe I’m not choosing because I don’t really know which one I prefer. I’m too passionate a person to accept the complacent rationality behind middle happiness. On the other hand, deliriously happy is a great place to be in but right now I’m not so sure it’s worth the sudden and really steep lows that follow. I’m just not sure how to get out of this cycle…or if I really want to..
Perhaps because this is another indication that I’m settling a little too perfectly into my post-Fanatic phase - the point in life (25 years of age) when you realize that you can’t change the world and that it really is gray and that there is no room for optimism and Santa Claus and the emotional hell of a dramatic life.
I’ve been fighting it off so far by refusing to give in to the pessimistic attitudes around me but my youthful bubbly spirit is in major need of reinforcements. Perhaps I just need to come to terms with the fact that roller-coaster-like peaks and troughs are not suitable for those over the age of 25?
They should post a warning sign up next time. Hmph.
