I Hear a Symphony…
(Apologies for the long silence…some how any explanation I try to type just doesn’t suffice so I’m going to move on.)
Today is my birthday.
Believe it or not, that was a difficult sentence to type. Birthdays have always held a very tremulous place in my heart. I know that they are celebrated with love and joy and happiness when we are younger, but as we get older I notice less and less people reflecting on their birthdays with such positive emotions, myself included. I usually try to hide the fact that today is my special day, and hope that if it goes unnoticed then, while it may not be better than any other day of the year, at least it won’t be a breeding ground for unmet expectations.
But it is important to be fair. While there may have been a couple of disappointing birthdays in the past, I recognize that there have been too many years of GREAT birthdays - of friends going the extra mile to show that they care to make me feel important and loved and trying to prove that one bad birthday doesn’t mean you should live in fear of the rest of them.
So beginning with this year, I have decided that I WANT to enjoy my birthday. Birthdays are a great time for reflecting on how I’ve grown over the past year and, unlike New Years where we make resolutions, birthdays are about wishes, about dreams that we can indulge in desiring. What’s more, I’ve come to realize that birthday wishes are NOT supposed to be in your head! The more I visualize and articulate what I want out loud, the more I realize I keep getting what I want…
…Then again, I sometimes get scared of moments of wishing - those contrived instances such as an eyelash falling or birthday candles waiting to be blown out - where I’m pressured to make a wish right then and there. All of a sudden I choke and can’t think of any particular one wish - I mean, what if that’s not what I really want? What if I should not wish for anything and just let the Big Guy do his thang with my life? What if I end up screwing myself over by wishing for this one particular thing?? It’s so much pressure!!
This February 8th, however, at exactly 12:01 four of my some of my favorite friends came into my room to wish me a happy birthday. We put on some music (Diana Ross - I Hear a Symphony) and K4 (on bended knee) requested to have this first dance while the other three girls laid on the bed laughing and giggling to themselves. And under the soft lighting of the bedside lamp as K4 and I twirled around the room to the sweet sounds of the Supremes, I suddenly and without any pressure at all realized that I was witnessing a simulation of a wish that I have wanted for a long time but have never been able to fully articulate: in (give or take) 15 years, I want to be surrounded by my own family - dancing to beautiful music with my husband in our bedroom while my three beautiful girls sit on the bed giggling and watching their silly parents radiating happiness.
And until that moment comes 15 years from now, I’m going to let this birthday remind me that life is great, birthdays are fun, and dreaming is crucial.
An excerpt from RK’s midnight birthday card:
“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.”
Here’s to another awesome year…
